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The Week in Yelp: Blowing Smoke Edition

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From the people who brought you The Week in Craig, one of the all time great uses of the internet, comes The Week in Yelp, wherein Amy Blair takes aim at the ridiculousness that is the world of Yelp. Her intrepid Yelp-surfing, and words, follow:

2008_01_yelp.jpgRemember when you first started wondering about pot in the girls bathroom at your high school in, like, the ninth grade? And how when you pictured your Future Self, you never ever ever imagined that you would still be smoking beyond, say, college. And then one day you find that you are thirty-one years old, it's a Monday night, and you are sitting on your couch and watching a South Park re-run that you've already seen at least three times. And when it's done, you play Guitar Hero for awhile and then eventually pass out on the couch wearing underwear and a Lollapalooza 1993 t-shirt.

You never would have pictured that when you were fourteen, now would you?

Anywho, this week we're delving into the smokier side of Yelp?which typically is nothing more than a collection of not-so-intuitive investigations and ways to satisfy the munchies.

First up, a super cool Yelper reveals the secret to the oh-so-hush-hush Smoke Joint. Uh, really? Who would possibly guess that a place called SMOKE JOINT would be run by people who SMOKE JOINTS? (Get it? Hardy har har). Anyway, thanks to Sherlock Holmes over here, we now all know the 411. Also, for some odd reason his dad = seasoned fries. When it comes to this kind of stuff, I often find it best not to ask questions.

Psssssttttttttttt.....come closer.....do you know why it's called the "smoke joint"? it's because all the dudes that work there get super high on the pot out back by the dumpsters.

Crispy catfish sandwhich = top shelf
Mac and cheese = good to go
Seasoned fries = my dad
Collard greens = idiot great

I've never had the ribs or any other dead animals they sell in there so i don't know about all the 3 star reviews but if you're starving after an underwhelmingly crappy indie flick at BAM i'd say give it a go.

Also, they have a great selection of high alcohol % micro-brews that will get you totally hammer pantsed and possibly say something insensitive to your girlfriend about 20 minutes into your meal.

Next up, yet another detective. Ok, so you walk into a room that is decorated with Jamaican flags with marijuana leaves painted on the walls. The place is smoky and there is a faintly skunky smell. For $500, who can guess what was going on in that room!?
i liked this place (but really my yelp friend emily w is the expert). it had a great happy hour special (but what place in NY doesn't?), $6 for a beer and a shot. i don't know about you but at 6:30 on a tuesday i definitely need a beer and a shot. unfortunately at 8 o'clock that sol becomes $6..ouch. i'm from boston so the idea of spending $6 on something that usually costs $6 for a 6-pack pains me greatly. it smelled like people were smoking weed in there but i'm not sure if they really were or what, but the back room was painted with jamaican flags and weed plants so maybe? who knows..
Who knows! Moving on to the power of the munchies, which is to say that pretty much anything is edible when you’re really high. Except, apparently, for a pizza that smells like shit.
Okay, admittedly, I've never ordered a pizza from Mythic, I've just gone in for a slice. Be advised: this is one of those places that does the recycled slice thing. Yeah, they have a bunch of pre-made cheese pizzas that they use for those who just want a pepperoni or veggie slice. That's right kiddies, they slap that slice of cheese down, throw a couple of pepperoni pieces or whatever you desire on there, put it in the oven for 10 minutes, and voila -- recycled slice. Also worth mentioning, their pizza smells like shit. I'm not exaggerating, this was confirmed by friends and strangers alike. We thought someone had shit in the bar, only to learn it was some poor girl who had just returned with her recycled slice in hand. Drunk or stoned, avoid this dump and go hungry.
And last but not least, a precious tale of a first-time smoker. And fatty meat. And the smell of the grill covering up the stench of spilled beer. And barbequed marijuana. Ugh, this is just horrible?
My first time smoking weed was during a band practice. We practiced in a small garage which we would hot box while playing. The bong would be passed around and then sat aside while people made a run to McDonald's for cheap hamburgers and cheeseburgers (remember those 29 cent deals? they only let you have 10 per person) We'd stuff ourselves with burgers and continue to get high. When we'd finally open the door again, the place smoke leak out all over the city. I'm sure one of the clouds--smaller clouds--were caused from marijuana smoke.

Nowadays, I have no need to smoke marijuana as I can just wake up after sleeping for 4 hours or drink early and get a hang over and achieve the same effect. As my tastes develop, McDonald's makes me want to puke, so to feed the hangover munchies and make a big smoky cloud comes Soot Bui Gui Rim 2.

The grill is a combination of meat and gas. When fatty slices of meat or a fatty steak is thrown on, flare ups happen which cause a ton of smoke. The lack of ventilation causes the place to be hot boxed. Unlike marijuana*, you cannot get high off of meat. The meat was actually pretty fresh and good, if not a little fatty. But secretly, don't you enjoy fatty meat?

Other than the smokiness, this place is pretty good. A little on the expensive side, but definitely better than most other AYCE KBBQ places.

Actually, I enjoy the smokiness. It makes the meal last longer, if only by the smell on your clothes. Besides, I spilled a bunch of beer on myself and the meat smell covered it up! Screw the Axe effect, what woman isn't drawn to a man who smells like smokey meat?

*Marijuana on one of these grills would be a great idea. Please include a side of marijuana for us to grill.

Pot on the grill? Honey, no.

—Amy Blair

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