Hey, rich people! Over here! Check out this insane Super Bowl deal from L’Ermitage Beverly Hills!
OK so get this: for just $35,000 (yes, that’s just light-your-cigar-money, but hear out the idea), the luxe hotel operation on Burton Way will make your Super Bowl experience really awesome. How so? Glad you asked, rich person!
First, you get six rooms for a one-night stay. That’s it.
Just kidding! There’s lots more! For one, an ‘arrival ambassador’ will greet your party at the door and hand out jerseys and hats and stuff, which are definitely NOT available for purchase anywhere else for a lower price. That’s why you never see people at Disneyland walking around in their team’s jerseys like they used to play themselves, except they’re actually just spilling churro dust all over the front of themselves. Never happens.
OK, so after that, L’Ermitage will also set you up with a private area to watch the game. It’s like a living room at a friend’s house, but this one is expensive. And probably awesome.
But everyone will want to be fed, right? Like, ideally people will actually come around and feed you for the price of $35,000 to watch a six hour (including the halftime show) game? Well, that won’t happen. But you DO get access a Stoli-stocked unlimited bar and ‘haute’ dogs, which are hot dogs made from the worst parts of expensive cows. Don’t skimp on the artisanal ketchup — it’s included! From there, you can finish the night strong with a Japanese Binchotan grill where someone will be slicing up A5 Kobe beef and a Cristal cart that will be trucking around champagne. There’s even going to be a guy manning a raw bar, just waiting for you to do oyster shooters while you sip from the hollowed out tusk of an albino elephant.
Quick note, though: you gotta pay for this package up front — yes, the whole $35,000 — and there’s only one to go around. No fighting!