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This Fake New LA Restaurant Website Is the Most Insane Thing You’ll Read All Day

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Who wants a “duck fat fried LA river egg”?

Sqirl
The line in front of Sqirl
Yelp

Have you heard of the new Los Angeles restaurant F*ck Your Worries? No? That’s okay, it doesn’t exist. But the website for the fake forthcoming East Hollywood restaurant very much does, and boy is it a doozy.

F*ck Your Worries Website

For starters, just so everyone is on the same page, everything about this website is meant to be very, very tongue in cheek. Consider it a work of performance art, if you will, a statement about the current restaurant climate in Los Angeles. The font choices speak a little bit to Sqirl’s aesthetic, while some of the ingredient language reads more like Baroo — and every menu around town, accurately enough, has some sort of toast section.

There’s almost nothing on the proposed menu that’s under $21 (except the $14 coffee and $9 poached egg add-ons), and most of the items listed are about as hilariously post-trend as you can imagine, including bowls and toasts. Take for example:

“#Resistance” – Milk washed Hawaiian taro skins, microgreens, smoked goat labneh, seasonal nut gel, Bronson Canyon grass oils, cauliflower gnocchi, smashed mint, Anson Mills broken Carolina rice, gold flecks – $48

“New Salad Who Dis” – Anodized jidori jerk chicken, preserved lettuce strips, curdled applesauce, kale dust, lacto-avocado, radish cream, matured feta, lime zest, seasonal nut gel, white quinoa, agrodolce, meyer lemon skin. – $50

(Add poached egg – $9)

“Woké” – Kaffir lime marinated tender ahi, stone ground preserved garlic, bruised Persian cucumber, fermented ramps, ginger lime wasabi dust, toasted sesame seed, blackened nori, pickled red onion, cured daikon, powder – $58

And that’s far from all. Restaurant FYW, as we’ll call it, is also getting in on the tipping and taxes conversation with the below statement at the bottom of their site:

As for who’s behind the website, no one knows. Eater reached out via email but the team declined to unmask themselves, saying instead:

“we are fucking humm m mm mm mbled to be opening up in the probably-uninhabited east hollywood ‘hood. we will announce the line-up of guests, musicians, video artists, and philosophikal luminaries to our grand opening week once it is finaleyzed.”

All spelling and grammatical errors are, of course, theirs. Know who’s behind FYW? Drop a line in the comments below or hit the tip line, anonymity guaranteed. And in the meantime, don’t hold your breath that you’ll actually be able to enjoy any lacto-avocado, smashed worn grains, or seasonal nut gel any time soon.

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